wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
