Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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