I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
