If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
