jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
pray to the hookup gods
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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