Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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