she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
