No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
