Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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