he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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