just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
