So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
