thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
