marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
