meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
