Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
