Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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