I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
