I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
