i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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