so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
