Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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