He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
