I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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