what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
