After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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