mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
