That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i may or may not be watching the land before time
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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