If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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