You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
