Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
