Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
