Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
