but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
