I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize