Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
