I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i think i just lost a toe
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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