You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
