so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
