I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
