How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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