He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
