Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
