You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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