I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
