weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
