i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
