Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
