I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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