The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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