Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
