The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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