eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
