so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
