They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
