I just saw a hot homeless man
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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