I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
