i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
