none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
