her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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