I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
