apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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