You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
