last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize