i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We just shotgunned beers for America
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
