i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
