dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
