I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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