then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
