The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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