ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
