So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
