You can't special order awesome
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
