Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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