Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
