Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
